The Blessing and Curse of Being an Artist with ASD

Inspiration Overload

Nov 29, 2024

Whats up! November almost over 😱

When I was reading about Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) book, a recurring theme often pops up: people with ASD are said to be “easily influenced.” But what does that really mean? Basically, it implies that if someone says something to you, you might take it to heart, even to the point where it feels like the truth, no matter what.

For me, I wouldn’t say I’m that easily influenced. I’ve learned to question things and do my own research. Sure, I’ve had moments where I believed the hurtful things people told me, like bullies saying I was worthless. I carried those words, sometimes too deeply. But I never believed them when they went further, saying things like, “You should just disappear.” If I had taken those words to heart, I wouldn’t be here sharing this with you.

Oddly enough, though, there’s one area where I am heavily influenced, and that’s in my creative life, especially when it comes to different artists’ styles. It’s like a never-ending loop of inspiration, and it can make me feel a little, well… unsteady.

I’ll see an artist doing something incredible, and instantly I want to make art just like that. Then I’ll find another style, and I’ll want to do that too. And so on, in this almost “vicious circle” of styles. Each new approach tempts me to drop my own and try to become someone else. Just recently, I caught myself trying to follow a course by an artist named Ben Eblen, and before long, I was practically mimicking his style. I had to stop myself and say, “It’s okay to just be me.”

This is something I have to remind myself of every day. I don’t need to draw perfectly; I don’t need to have a polished style. It’s okay to mess up. It’s okay to let loose and just enjoy the process. But this urge to follow others still feels like it eats away at me.

The book I read about this idea of being “easily influenced” didn’t really have a solution for it, at least, not that I recall. Maybe it’s something unique to me, and it’s something I’ll have to work through on my own.

So, what am I going to do? Well, I’ll try to step back from all the courses and constant search for new inspiration. I want to slow down, let myself just be, and create without needing it to be perfect. I’ll remind myself that it’s okay to try things, even if they don’t look perfect the first time.

Sometimes, honestly, my diagnosis feels like more of a weight than a help. It brings struggles that I wish I didn’t have to deal with. But I’ll keep working on it, day by day, and piece by piece.