I wanna talk about something that’s been on my mind a lot lately. It’s this whole idea of creating art for myself, not for the algorithm, not for the trends, not for whatever people expect to see. Just. For. Me.
Hello I'm Jezz and welcome to the Howling Podcast.
I guess I need to explain how I got to this point, so need to go back a bit. I started drawing almost ten years ago. Or I took is more seriously. And honestly, it wasn’t even about becoming an artist or anything fancy like that. It was just something I picked up to help me deal with my ADHD and ASD, and with mental health stuff. Before that, I was really into mountain biking. Especially downhill. It was my way to escape, clear my head. But my parents? Yeah, they weren’t thrilled about having to drive me around everywhere. Did not have a driving licence back then. And I didn't want to be alone either, in case something would happen.
So, I needed something else. Something I could just dive into on my own terms. Drawing became that thing. I grabbed a cheap sketchbook & pencils, found a bunch of beginner tutorials online, and just went for it. No pressure, no expectations. Just me and the paper. And honestly? It felt amazing.
It was all good... until I started posting my stuff on social media. And to be real with you, I can’t even remember if I started doing it because I saw others doing it or if someone told me to do it. “If you wanna get seen or get a job, you gotta post online”, I just remember hearing that over and over again. And so I did it. And I kept doing it. Was it worth it in the long run? Probably not.
See, at the start, I was mostly drawing fan art. Just following tutorials of comic book characters or whatever I was obsessed with at the time. And on social media? Fan art always gets more clicks. Always. Especially when it’s fresh or tied to something trending. And back then, I wasn’t even making original stuff. It was all fan art because that’s what I enjoyed doing.
Then, I got pulled into all these monthly challenges. Inktober, Mermay, whatever was trending at the time. And I did try to jump on those because people was following these monthly challenges. That’s how you grow. But if I’m being real, I never enjoyed those challenges. They felt limiting. I liked doing fan art, but trying to force it into these random prompt lists? It just never felt right. Also I lost motivation on doing them after 4 days. Drawing everyday is not my thing. Not when it becomes a must.
I also noticed that the newer the fan art, the better it did, especially on YouTube. If I made something related to a brand-new Apex Legends season or a popular trending character, it would do way better. And at some point, I was so deep into it that I started feeling trapped. Making videos just to get more views is exhausting in the long run.
I was trying so hard to create what I thought people wanted to see, just to get those little hits of domapine. I kept pushing myself to make perfect line art, perfect rendering, just... perfection everywhere. And when you’re constantly striving for that level of perfection, it’s so easy to burn out. But why make it so perfect? Because the Algorithm loved that kind of stuff...
Eventually, I realized that the joy I once felt was getting choked out by my own expectations. It wasn’t just the act of drawing fan art that killed my creativity. It was the fact that I was holding myself to this impossible standard of perfection.
I was also putting way too much energy into trying to be seen. Trying to grow a following when you’re not someone who naturally likes to be super active online? It’s draining. I’ve never been social media famous. Even when I was super active, I barely hit a thousand followers across all platforms. Still don't, kind of. And trying to keep up with social media's constant demands for new content and consistency... it’s exhausting.
About a few months ago, I made a choice. I was done playing that game. I stepped back, and I started creating more original work. My own characters, animals, even landscapes, which I never thought would happen. Still struggling with landscape, one day.
I also started aiming for imperfection. I let my sketches be messy. I started drawing in ways that felt true to me, not to some algorithm. Because my brain is messy all the time, why should my art be perfect? It just didn’t make sense. Even my writing is messy, why should my art be perfect?
These days, I’m still working on getting better. I’ve been watching more art courses, experimenting with new techniques. For example, I’ve been working on my rendering skills, especially with light. So I started with greyscale. And I don’t mess with layer modes. I recolor every layer by hand. It’s a slower process, sure, but it works for me. And that’s what matters the most.
I also decided to stop sharing everything on social media. I don’t feel the need to film every step or post constantly. I can just draw, enjoy the process, and share when I feel like I have something worth sharing. But its harder than you think. I keep thinking about filming everything I do for Youtube. And that kind of kills my creativity. I end up not doing any drawings instead. A big battle with myself.
If I decided to post on social media I use Buffer to timeline my posts, so I don’t even have to log in to social media half the time. It’s great. It gives me more time to actually focus on my art and my mental health instead of worrying about chasing likes and comments.
And if people don’t see my work? I don’t care. Most of the time. The algorithm doesn’t define me or my art. If people are genuinely interested in what I’m doing, they’ll find me through my newsletter, my Discord, or wherever else I decide to hang out. Why should I search for people, when they are not searching for me? It just keeps me from drawing and learning.
And to be real with you, I draw more when I don't have to think about what works on social media. It feels so good! Me and the pen. And my dog distracting me when he barks.
So, if you’re out there feeling burnt out or lost trying to chase social media validation, let me tell you: it’s not worth it. Draw for yourself. Paint for yourself. Make art because you love it, not because you’re trying to fit into some trend or please an algorithm.
That’s all for today. Thanks for listening, and I hope this resonated with some of you. If you’re on your own journey of trying to reclaim your joy in art, I’d love to hear about it. Until next time, keep creating for you.
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